This contains big time spoilers. If you haven’t watched the episode, I am advising you turn back now. Save yourself.**
On last night’s episode of The Misadventures of Elvis and Priscilla Bill makes an attempt to rescue Sookie from the dungeon at Fangtasia, only to be taken down by Pam’s magically silver spray. Out of nowhere, the Russian, Serbian (?) sex slave dancer appears and frees Sookie and then the bitch turns on Pam and aids Sookie and Bill in their escape. Dumb, didn’t Eric sex you for like six hours or something, what’s your gripe? Color me confused. Back at La-La’s house, he and Jesus have returned from down the v-hole. Jesus really, really likes it there and wants to return immediately.
But, Lafayette is having what can only be described as a fucked up Santeria v-flashback. Uh, oh, this can’t be good.
At Trailer de Stackhouse, Deliverceina reveals to Stupid Hot she is a werepanther. Still don’t care about this, but anyway she is engaged to her half-brother folks and needs Jason to rescue her from her Deliverance life. For the first time I think ever Jason responded properly he left her sitting there alone like she deserves. Fucked up bitch! As much as I like Jessica and Hoyt, I don’t care enough to bother. Know that there was some making out and proclamations of love and some feeding. Nothing says I love you better than letting someone bite your ass. Trust. Moving on.
Now and what I thought was going to be some badass cgi-ed-out square off between Nutter King and Eric at the museum, turned out to be Eric bargaining with King to return to Fangtasia where they could feed off Sookie. You see Sookie is Tinkerbell and her magical fairy blood is the magical elixir that allows for “Daywalking.” Think Blade. Perhaps Stephen Dorff will show up next season and take his shirt off too. A girl can have goals too. Nonetheless, Nutter King agrees and tells Eric if you are wrong, “I’ll kill you tomorrow.” By the way, does anyone else want cherry flavored punch when you see the King with Talbot’s remains?
Anyone else think Ginger needs to find a new job? Poor bitch releases Pam from her silver shackles only to be fed on by Pam once again. Classifieds Ginger, look into them. On the drive home from Fangtasia Sookie admitted her feelings for Eric. Duh! Then Elvis took out his guitar and sang Love Me Tender or Jailhouse Rock or someshit. I don’t know I can’t watch these two for some reason unless, they’re sexing. Tara traded in her tank tops for one of Sam’s shirts and visited Eggs at his new home, the cemetery. She cried again. Who cares?
Damn Sam is a mean drunk. He showed up at Marlotte’s and went batshit on everybody. Fat, ugly, dumb, shell-shocked, bitch muthafuckers! That would make an excellent rap song; someone get Lil Jon on the phone stat. Sam basically threw everyone out of the bar and hurt Terry’s feelings. Now, I’m all for feeling hurting, but not Terry’s. Direct your rage at Arlene or Bill or anyone else I don’t like. There was some football junk with Stupid Hot that I didn’t listen to, so can’t help you there. Tara returns to Marlotte’s to tell Andy that she knows that Jason killed Eggs. To which Andy replied, “Bitch, don’t nobody care about Eggs.” Maybe not, but it should have because Tara don’t nobody care about Eggs! Move on! While Sam was spewing a new, found although clever batch of crazy he threw his little puppy out. Why do I get the feeling Little Puppy can’t read? In two weeks, we’ll have that afterschool special. Mark my words.
Meanwhile, Elvis and Priscilla were driving along singing the Blue Hawaii soundtrack, King Crazy pulled off the coolest HBO True Blood trick, stopping their car matrix style. Hell YEAH! Arlene went Wiccan to abort Rene’s spawn, shit didn’t work, baby still coming. Blessed Be. Sam, oh, thee of excellent ass cheeks. Seriously, Sam has a great butt. He and Tara rediscovered each other, wink, wink.
Now for the OH SHIT moment of the night! Eric and King drink from Sookie’s fountain of fairy. Eric walks outside in the daylight where he appears to be daywalking. This prompts King to do the same. To which Eric turns around burning now and handcuffs himself to King in silver cuffs. What the hell?!?! Now, this made for a really great cliffhanger.
Now we all know Alan Ball is not crazy, there is no way Eric’s going anywhere, but we are all curious how he is going to get out of this mess. My suggestion is send Bill outside! Serious Elvis stage left. Overall, a pretty good eventful episode. Now, I know you’ll miss me next week as we don’t get another episode until September 12th. Unless you want me to recap Keeping Up with the Khardashians for you that is. Let me know. I would give the episode an 8/10 if I were rating it. Thoughts, groans, moans, theories.
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