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Side-Eye News: Stupid, Stupid Kid

I weep for this kid’s poor parents. An unidentified 16-year-old boy from Chicago has been charged with residential burglary and cruelty to animals. Apparently he and his friends broke into a neighborhood home and stole a video game system, CD player, 30 video games, 30 DVDs, a BB gun, jewelry and a safe. The charge of cruelty came in when dumbass Einstein decided to poison the resident’s goldfish by dumping hot sauce, mustard, ketchup and spices into the fish tank.

When questioned by police as to why he decided to murder the fish the Rhodes Scholar said, wait for it… “I didn’t want to leave any witnesses.” Loves it! Lock him up for being dumb! Maybe he thought Seth Macfarlane had written him into an episode of American Dad. But, I’m leaning towards the partaking of some wacky tobacky gone wrong. Either way, side-eye.

About the author

The HorrorFatale

Is a bicentennial baby with a lot to say about Everything. Enjoys debating Freddy vs. Jason. Strongly believes clowns should be jailed. Dislikes Michael Bay films and thinks you should never trust milk (or peacocks). On a mission to objectify hot men around the world. She REALLY likes shoes! You can email her at TheFatale@horrorfatale.com.