This contains big time spoilers. If you haven’t watched the episode, I am advising you turn back now. Save yourself.**
Don’t you love how vampires heal really quickly? And they manage to heal with perfect eye makeup. That makes me want to become a member of the undead, because I am yet to master the tight liner, which Vampire Tara was rocking last night. Tara is still reeling from the idea of Lafayette and Sookie have Pam turn her into a vampire, instead of letting her die. Guess what Tara, we all are too. Can I interest you in a nice day at the beach girl? Tara flees Stackhouse manor, pissed off as usual. Now, I’m not the most pleasant girl either, but damn this bitch is never happy. Whatever Tara, run away.
Back at the Vampire White House, Head Vamp in Charge (Chris Meloni) decides to let Bill and Eric try to bring King Russell to justice for his many heinous but truly entertaining crimes. But, the Vamp Senate is doubtful Elvis and Hägar the Horrible can actually pull it off, because we all know insanity and power do not mix. And King Crazy has them both in droves. Speaking of insanity and power, Rev. Newlin has been anointed the new face of Vampire Assimilation. Newlin gives a speech about how we humans just want something to believe in, even if it means us believing in a being that lives in fluffy clouds, where we get to go if we’re good – we just want to see our dead love ones again. Hate to say it but Newlin did a pretty good job summing up Christianity in one sarcastic breath. Sads.
Anyone else notice the Tina Majorino cameo in the episode? Corrina, Corrina. Sookie and Lafayette continue to search for Tara. Sookie even went to Fangtasia to have Pam order Tara back. And Pam being Pam in defiance refuses and throws Sookie across the room. Sookie then shoots light from her hands sending Pam flying across the room. Yes, the light bright bullshit is back. Another irritating element back to abuse us is the fairy shit. Jessica while shopping for terrible dresses smells one and literally runs after him, because she wants some of his cotton candy goodness. Yawn.
Tara goes to Sam for help, which he does. He gives her True Blood and lets her sleep in his freezer. Give Sam something to do, we beg of you!?!?! Jason runs into his former teacher, whom from what we are told Mary Kay Letourneau-ed him about 15 years ago. In the years since Old Teacher has become a divorced crazy cat lady. And just like Stupid Jason does with any woman with a vagina he beds her and then realizes it was all a mistake. For some reason I’m thinking something bad is going to happen with this. But, this serves I suppose for us to understand why Jason is a walking sex shop. Mildly entertaining.
We also get some more of Eric and Pam’s backstory during this episode. This is somewhat entertaining, because I love Pam and Eric so much. Also, in this backstory we see Bill and Lorena and we learn how Bill was introduced to Eric. Meh. Terry tells Arlene he is going on a trip with Scott Foley. I have no idea why because I wasn’t listening to them. Something about Iraq. Arlene said something in her twangy Southern drawl and I feel asleep. Hoyt decides he is
ANNOYING going to become a fang banger or a join a boy band I couldn’t decide which but he goes to Fangtasia in eyeliner and leather. Die Hoyt!
For some reason Salome decides to tell us her story as opposed to what we were taught in Vacation Bible School. There was a lot of talky, talk about missing Debbie Pelt from Andy and Alcide. Sookie confesses to killing her to a fully dressed Alcide. He naturally is pissed off and sadly wearing clothes. BOOOO! Overall, this episode was more of the same that is becoming this series – boring. The writing is becoming stale in my opinion and it is my opinion after all. So I’m pinning my hopes and dreams on Russell showing up soon to wake this series up. I would give it 4.5/10 if I were rating it.
Thoughts, theories, groans, moans?