True Blood Season 5 Episode 6 Hopeless: Hoyt Call Me – Let’s Discuss

This contains big time spoilers. If you haven’t watched the episode, I am advising you turn back now. Save yourself.**
I promised a friend of the site I would take it easy on our new Bon Temp rent boy, Hoyt, but he’s not making the shit easy. I mean really Hoyt? More about that nonsense later, but first things first. Last night’s episode of True Blood called ‘Hopeless,’ and boy let me tell you in some instances hopeless is what we all felt.

When last we left the Wizard of Odd, something or someone grabbed Alcide and dragged him away, causing Sookie to take off running after him. I’m with ya girl save the meat at all costs!! Much to our surprise – sort of that is, it was a set of werewolves. These v-juice hooked were’s are a part of Alcide’s pack and definitely in league with Russell in some capacity I’m sure. Anyone else wondering if V is anything like the bath salts these crazy kids are doing? But nonetheless our little group is saved by the Vampire Marine Corps. coming in and capturing Russell. But, not before Sookie got off a shot of lightening from her hands. Yup, they did that shit again last night – twice.

Let’s just tie Sookie’s storyline up in this before we move on to the others. Jason comes to Sookie and tells her Haley is with the fairies and she says the vampires actually killed their parents. So, once again Sookie leaves work to go with Jason to look for Club Fairy 1996. I really need to work for Sam; he is like the best boss ever. Inside CF96 Sookie meets Claude, Claudine’s brother and he tells her it was a vampire that indeed killed her parents. The mysterious vampire (cough, cough Russell) did it because he smelled Sookie’s blood via a band-aid she left in the back of the parents car. Hearing this Sookie flips out and shoots lightening from her hands at Claude, which causes 42 of his sisters to shoot light back at her ass. The place was lit up Christmas. Fun.

Now the important main attraction is of course King Crazy! After he is captured by the VMC’s he’s taken back to the Vamp White House, where Chris Meloni wearing a rather horrible golf shirt decides Russell must die tonight! Yeah right, Russell is all the show has going for it at the moment so we know this will not be a thing. I’m starting to understand the Vampire religious war taking place now, but in my opinion like all “real” religions the Sanguinista’s and the Vampire Council are kind of arguing the same thing, in a way. Humans are food, but we shouldn’t eat them because we came from humans initially. Egg meet chicken. Just saying. Chris Meloni grabs his big pointy steak to turn Russell into goo. Russell jumps up and steaks Chris. Now how is that possible when Salome tells us earlier Russ is being silvered intravenously? This the part where we all figure out what we figured out a while ago, Salome is in on all these shenanigans, if not the leader, perhaps Nora. Too far? All in all Russell clearly wasn’t silvered; Salome dug his ass up, etc. She probably shot Kennedy too.

The side stories weren’t that interesting and don’t really warrant too much discussion. But, Alfre Woodard always gets a hat tip folks. That is a crazy bitch, but she is funny as hell, you know like Lafayette used to be. Woodard’s character is like that Aunt you encounter at Thanksgiving that you just want to smack the shit out of, but keep a mental note so you tell all your friend’s what the bitch said later. That’s so going to be me in 30 years. Then there’s Terry running from a cloud of smoke and fire, due to a curse. He tells Arlene he is leaving her because if he stays they will all die. Arlene get a vibrator doll and call it a day, you are not meant for marriage. In other tragedies Luna is very much alive. What up with that writer’s, I thought we were cool? Sam teams up with Andy to find out who the sup shooters are?

I know how they can find out really quick. Go to whatever store it is that sells bad Obama masks. Seriously I don’t mind the masks, but at least make them look like the man. I had to find out on the internet that is supposed to be the president. Sads. Speaking of Sads – Hoyt!!!!! Hoyt!!!!! STOP it!!!!! After Pam breaks up Girl Vamp Brawl 2012, Hoyt declares he will take Jessica back anyway he can get her. She destroys him – again! I get it Hoyt you’re lost, your heart’s broken trust me kid, I’ve been there. But, you are doing some dumb shit at this point. You need to fast forward to the part of the break up that is acceptance. And most importantly, if you’re going to go rent boy call a stylist and do the shit right. My God man get real leather, that Wilson’s shit that is unacceptable.

Overall, this episode was not quite as good as the previous one. It seemed to teeter back on the boring that has been this season, but the ending came together nicely. I would give it 5.5/10 if I were rating it.

Thoughts, theories, groans, moans?

Check out what the rest of the season will bring.