This contains big time spoilers. If you haven’t watched the episode, I am advising you turn back now. Save yourself.**
For the most part Sunday’s episode of True Blood stuck to what it has been doing all season setting up uninteresting storylines for characters that should be for all intents and purposes filler characters. You know like they all started out in the first place. I’m looking at you Terry, Arlene, Hoyt and Sheriff Andy. This season seems to be suffering from what eventually most night soap operas which let’s face it True Blood is, writers are trying to give everyone something to do. In my opinion this is causing the show to suffer. Rant over, let’s get into it.
Much to the dismay of us all Pam rushes to the tanning salon to stop Tara from turning herself into the fried dish towel she deserves to be. She also commands her not to try it again. Why Pam? I thought we were cool. Later back at Fangtasia, Pam is delighted to see Eric has returned, informing him that he is a grandfather and it’s a sullen girl child called Tara. To which Eric responds by chocking the shit out of Pam, and screaming at her, “How could you?” Ok, so he didn’t say that, but he does question Pam on her knowledge of the whereabouts of King Russell. Pam clearly shocked that Eric believes she would ever betray him asks to be released. After some weeping and such, Eric does indeed release her. He does it to keep her safe, because as we know King Crazy is on the loose! But nonetheless, I feel for Pammy.
Meanwhile, Lafayette opens up his own can of batshit crazy on Sookie for telling Alcide she killed Debbie. He slaps her and calls her a trick bitch! Not really but Lala did point out that no matter who gets hurt or dead Sookie the cat always manages to land feet first. In fact, everyone in Bon Temp is thinking they should all up their life insurance policies if they are going to be friends with Sookie. Truly feeling guilty Sookie confesses to Jason about murdering Debbie. Stupid Hot tells her to go home and shut her mouth. He slaps her and calls her a trick bitch! Still didn’t happen, but after her fight with Lala he puts a spell on her Pacer. While she’s driving home the out of control car hits a telephone pole. But, Sookie survives, of course and goes home to the best thing ever – ALCOHOL!!! Now we’re talking!!
Big Dick Richie or Alcide depends on who you ask, went to Debbie’s parents and tells them that Marcus in fact had killed her. He in turn tells them he killed Marcus. They seem pretty convinced and tell Andy they are going home. Andy on the other hand is not convinced and vows to keep searching for answers, but Jessica glamour’s him into forgetting all about Debbie. Good job Jessica!!! Now glamour me into caring about Sheriff Andy. Speaking of people I don’t care about at the moment, Terry. Terry and Scott Foley drive to Oregon or Nebraska somewhere like that to look for one of their fellow soldiers. Apparently one night in Iraq whilst high as kites the squad went ballistic and killed a village on unarmed civilians including children and women. That’s sad, but out of place, there’s nothing supernatural about this at all. Is the ghost of Saddam planning on appearing? Now that shit would be scary.
The vampire Senate checks the GPS for activities of Bill and Eric, they still do not believe Hagaar and Elvis can find Russell. They continue to talk about the Sanginista’s (?). Chris Meloni tells the group there is a traitor amongst them and we already know it’s going to be the kid, because killing a kid used to shocking, but Stevie Wonder saw this kill coming. Whatever.
About this fairy shit. Some district law dude doing his best impression of Boss Hogg convinces Andy and Jason to join him at the club. Well, the club in this case was really fairy land. The fairy’s get pissed when Jason runs into his cousin who tells him some secret fairy news. I really don’t know what she said because I don’t care. They literally throw Jason and Andy out into the vacant field from which they came. Remember last year when I made fun of fairy land for being all peach and purple and just terrible? This season fairy land upped its game honey. They dusted off some decorations from some 90s raves I went to in my youth. Only thing missing is some Ace of Base and some glow sticks y’all!
Overall, this episode continues to spiral off into the whatevers. Even the main characters are not blowing up my skirt. I’m looking at you Alcide, take your damn clothes off already. I would give it 5/10 if I were rating it, simply for the 15 second makeout scene of Sookie and Alcide.
Thoughts, theories, groans, moans?