Even with Cocktails ‘Piranha 3DD’ Still Sucks – DVD Review

Piranha 3DD
Directed by John Gulager 2012

No, I wasn’t anticipating a cinematic masterpiece, however I was expecting Piranha 3DD to at least be fun like its predecessor. But, alas it is not, in fact I might have dozed off once during my viewing. I would like to tell you it wasn’t all bad, but that my friends would be a lie. And I save lies for good things, like telling you I never had a crush on James Franco. Seriously, I never thought he was cute. (No comments from DivaMummy and The Dark Diva).

Piranha 3DD this time has moved from the fictional Spring Break mecca Lake Victoria to an outdoor water park in Somewhere, Arizona. The water park owned by David Koechner (Final Destination 5 ) and Danielle Panabaker (Friday the 13th ), houses two parks in one. One side of the park is family friendly and the other side is of the adult recreational hour if you know what I mean. Because that would happen, right? This is a stupid plot device used to show boobs and va-jay-jays. Yes, I realize in Piranha there were the boob shoots, but they seem less gratuitous and somehow funny. Also, missing this time around, was surprisingly good Elisabeth Shue as the Sheriff, Steven R. McQueen as her son, the fun sleaziness of Jerry O’Connell and Eli Roth’s characters, and oh yeah actual kills by piranha. Koechner’s character I suspect is supposed to take the place of O’Connell’s anything for a buck sleaze lord; however the character was missing something that made the character funny and slightly likeable. He is so outlandish you won’t really care if he dies or not.

In this last cinematic hot mess, the piranha floated around the screen menacing us; building up to what we ultimately knew was going to be a blood bath. This time, the killer piranha is replaced by relentless unnecessary gags, trying its best to be shocking and funny. The gags actually became a bit became lame and tiresome. There are cameos by David Hasselhoff, Ving Rhames and Crazy Gary Busey none of which blew my hair back.

Last time we were end on the joke that was Piranha , however Piranha 3DD is telling a joke that is neither funny nor fun. Wait for it to come on cable if there is nothing else on or just got to bed.

Piranha 3DD is currently on DVD.