The Final True Blood Episode Post – All Tied Up in a Pretty Pretty Bow

This contains big time spoilers. If you haven’t watched the episode, I am advising you turn back now. Save yourself.**

dead-homies-pour-one-outEverybody pour one out for our dead homie, this show.

Last night’s final episode of the vampire soap opera True Blood is called, ‘Thank You’, and it was all a happy ending for all. Meh.

First off, Bill you are an extra simple bitch! Bill in his usual self-serving way asks Sookie to use her light bright powers to kill him. Anyone else scream for Sookie to do it? He tells her she will never be happy and have a family as long as he is in the world. I agree with that, but my problem with Bill is if that’s the case why not either just walk into the sun and die in a literal blaze of glory? Or, just let the virus kill you. Why the freakin’ dramatics? Oh, right it’s Bill.

“I am so fuckin with you.” Best line of the night and of course it was uttered by Pam. Eric decides to steal New Blood from the Yakuza and basically just kill everybody, because he’s over it. He has Sarah to drink some of Pam’s blood, giving her a vamp GPS and setting her “free”. Eric then kills the Yakuza and the assailants on their way to Stackhouse Manor. Sarah tries it. She tells Pam she is willing to become her new paramour if she turns her. #thirsty Pam cackles and feeds from her and gives a, “Bitch please.”

The whole Hoyt-Jessica-Bill, I didn’t care and it wasn’t sweet, cute or necessary in my opinion. Spare me. There was something about weddings and stuff. Meanwhile we are treated to a flashback starring Sookie, Tara and Grandma Stackhouse. Unfortunately, she only made tea and not one of her delicious looking breakfasts. Sads. Grandma gives Sookie a pep talk about being the best person she can be and don’t ever believe she can’t. You know Grandma type stuff.
Over at Graceland, Jessica and Hoyt have decided to get married. That must have been one hell of a fuck, because remember he doesn’t remember their past. Everyone trucks over to Bill’s to watch Lisa Marie to marry Danny Keough (don’t ask how I know his name; it’s a long story involving Michael Jackson).

“It puts everything in prescription,” second best shit said last night. This gem of commentary is offered to Hoyt by Stupid Hot aka Jason. Hoyt has a case of cold feet. How could he not, he technically doesn’t know Jessica. Honestly, I was more excited to see the bromance between Hoyt and Jason develop or redevelop, than I was about the ceremony. That was cute. I guess because he’s dying Sookie can hear Bill’s thoughts. The vampire marriage/same-sex marriage narrative alluded to by Andy pitch-hitting as Justice of the Peace is an amazing parallel – love you for that much Alan Ball. Love is love and God recognizes it even if bigots don’t agree.

Sookie goes and wraps up (talks to him) the reverends storyline. #Pointless I won’t complain too much, because I like the good Reverend. Did I say this already, but Bill could have easily walked into the sun three episodes ago and called it a day. Nonetheless, we treated to a long drawn out will she or won’t she Dr. Kevorkian his ass. Bill lies is his grave and prepares for Sookie to hit him a light bright ball but she chickens out. Tears, kiss, tears, speeches, tears. Sookie pulls it out in the end and steaks him. Finally and hooray!

One year later… Eric and Pam have the money name game down to a science. In fact, they are gracing our TV machines with infomercials peddling New Blood. He and Pam have returned to Fangtasia back to normal preparing for their next adventure as they have done for hundreds of years. It is nice to see the Viking sitting on his throne. Bon Temps is in the past and a footnote in their history.

In the end Sookie, Lafayette, Jason, Sam and everybody have their happily ever after. Marriage, children, trite, boring. Everybody has a case of the babies and life goes on – all Norman Rockwell style. Hooray!

Well that’s all folks! It’s a bit bitter sweet for me to pen this final recap on True Blood. started just a few months in 2008, before the first episode aired on HBO. In fact, I was treated to seeing the unaired pilot with the original less annoying Tara and like everyone else I was hooked on the show. In fact, my Madre’ gave me the entire set of the Sookie Stackhouse Chronicles books. I might give them away on the site very soon, because after the first three books, I couldn’t. :p Although, I think the writers added too many characters and at certain points in the series couldn’t figure out what to do with the said characters or the storylines, it was still a fun ride! Hopefully, we entertained you with our theories and commentaries and overall fuckery regarding the show, if not too bad. 144x144xreversed-hand-with-middle-finger-extended_png_pagespeed_ic_JJFBDYWEWf Thank you True Blood!

    • Ruth

      It was ok. I was afraid for a minute there they had decided to some how make Sookie’s fairy h-v blood turn Bill human. That would have been a problem. However I’m ok with the happily ever afters. I mean they have all gone through a ton of shit so I guess they’re entitled. Oh and yes Bill could’ve done a Godrick and made everyone happy.

    • Thank you for remembering Godrick’s name. I couldn’t think of it and I was too lazy to Google. :/